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General » rec.autos.driving » How to make a "Blizzard Survival Kit" for Drivers
| How to make a "Blizzard Survival Kit" for Drivers [message #795971] |
Tue, 26 February 2008 08:14 |
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Post removed (X-No-Archive: yes)
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| Re: How to make a "Blizzard Survival Kit" for Drivers [message #795973 ] |
Tue, 26 February 2008 08:26 |
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In article <7ke7s3di7kqd49i8q0e0ju7pvv2036m25d [at] 4ax.com>,
mikecollier [at] gmail2.com wrote:
> Making a "Blizzard Survival Kit" !!!
>
> You're driving down the road in a winter blizzard. The thermometer
> reads minus 25, the winds are blowing 50mph and you cant see ten feet
> ahead of you. Suddenly your car slides off the road into a ditch and
> a deep snow bank. The snow is packed under the car so the wheels do
> nothing but spin. You don't have a snow shovel to dig the car out, or
> a safety flare to alert the authorities. Your cellphone battery is
> dead, and you're freezing cold. You know you will soon die from
> exposure and freaze to deeth. What are you going to do as you kneel
> on the front seat of your car praying to the plastic Jesus hanging on
> your rear-view mirror, while cussing out God because of the tragedy
> you are experiencing.
>
> But, you know you're prepared for an emergency such as this, because
> you were smart enough to create a "Blizzard Survival Kit" long before
> this disaster occurred, and every good driver knows that sooner or
> later this disaster WILL happen.
>
> You open the glove compartment and find a small carboard box. Inside
> the box is an ice pick, book of matches, some cotton, a nail, some
> bubblegum, and a candle.
>
> Here's how to use your "Blizzard Survival Kit".
>
> 1. Empty contents of the box.
>
> 2. Puncture the bottom of the cardboard box with the nail and stick
> the nail into the bottom of the candle so the candle stands upright
> inside the box.
>
> 3. Place the cotton around the base of the candle inside the box.
>
> 4. Light the candle inside the car so the wind does not blow out the
> match.
>
> 5. Take the ice pick and puncture a small hole in your cars gas tank.
>
> 6. Carry the "Blizzard Survival Kit" with burning candle to the rear
> of the car and place the box near (but not too close) to the leak in
> the gas tank which you made with your ice pick.
>
> 7. Grab your plastic Jesus and get at least 500 feet away from the
> car. This will be the toughest time because you will be freezing cold
> and all you can do is wait, while praying to your plastic Jesus for a
> place in his plastic heaven, if you should die.
>
> 8. Several minutes pass, and you'll suddenly notice the cotton ignite
> in the box, setting the box on fire, which will then ignite the
> dripping gasoline. Seconds later the entire contents of your gas tank
> will ignite, explode, and begin to burn with a very hot fire. This is
> when you can walk closer to the fire and warm up. The flames and
> thick black smoke will alert the authorities that you are there, and
> they will come to assist. Best yet, the heat from the gasoline fire
> will melt the snow around your car so you can easily drive away after
> you insert the bubblegum in the hole in the gas tank, and refill the
> tank with gas.
>
> Today is a great day to create your very own "Blizzard Survival Kit".
> Don't wait until disaster strikes, and it's too late when the
> authorities find your frozen dead body on the side of the road.
>
>
> This road safety tip is provided as a courtesy by Mike's Auto Salvage
> of Sarasota, Florida.
>
> Mike
Thanks Mike. Why not just shove the plastic Jesus up your ass and light
it on fire, too? Should help warm you from the inside.
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| Re: How to make a "Blizzard Survival Kit" for Drivers [message #795982 ] |
Tue, 26 February 2008 15:01 |
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Smitty Two <prestwhich [at] earthlink.net> wrote in news:prestwhich-
714A3E.23264125022008 [at] news.phx.highwinds-media.com:
> In article <7ke7s3di7kqd49i8q0e0ju7pvv2036m25d [at] 4ax.com>,
> mikecollier [at] gmail2.com wrote:
>
>> Making a "Blizzard Survival Kit" !!!
>>
<snip blizzard advice from someone where it never snows>
>> Mike
>
> Thanks Mike. Why not just shove the plastic Jesus up your ass and light
> it on fire, too? Should help warm you from the inside.
>
> plastic Jesus
Popped a memory bubble of long ago.
"I don't care if it rains or freezes,
long as I got my plastic Jesus,
riding on the dashboard of my car.
I can go a hunnert miles an hour,
long as I got the Almighty Power,
glued up there by my pair of fuzzy dice."
The Right Reverend Billy Sol Hargis of the First Church of the Gooey
Death and Discount House of Worship in Del Rio Texas.
where you can get a five dollar blessing pledge for only
three dollars. That's right, you pay three dollars and get
credit with HIM for the whole five dollars.
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| Re: How to make a "Blizzard Survival Kit" for Drivers [message #796001 ] |
Tue, 26 February 2008 18:15 |
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On Tue, 26 Feb 2008 01:14:43 -0600, mikecollier [at] gmail2.com wrote:
>Making a "Blizzard Survival Kit" !!!
>
>You're driving down the road in a winter blizzard. The thermometer
>reads minus 25, the winds are blowing 50mph and you cant see ten feet
>ahead of you. Suddenly your car slides off the road into a ditch and
Anyone with 1/2 a brain would not be out in such conditions.
>a deep snow bank. The snow is packed under the car so the wheels do
>nothing but spin. You don't have a snow shovel to dig the car out, or
>a safety flare to alert the authorities. Your cellphone battery is
>dead, and you're freezing cold.
I carry a car charger for my cellphone. Just plug it into the cig
lighter.
>You know you will soon die from
>exposure and freaze to deeth. What are you going to do as you kneel
You're going to die twice?
>on the front seat of your car praying to the plastic Jesus hanging on
>your rear-view mirror, while cussing out God because of the tragedy
>you are experiencing.
Its not God who bagged you its Darwin.
>But, you know you're prepared for an emergency such as this, because
>you were smart enough to create a "Blizzard Survival Kit" long before
>this disaster occurred, and every good driver knows that sooner or
>later this disaster WILL happen.
They have blizzards in FL? Whoda thunk it???
>You open the glove compartment and find a small carboard box. Inside
>the box is an ice pick, book of matches, some cotton, a nail, some
>bubblegum, and a candle.
<< snip advice >>
>This road safety tip is provided as a courtesy by Mike's Auto Salvage
>of Sarasota, Florida.
Sounds like you already have it coverd....
F ools
E gomaniacs &
M orons
A ssociation
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| Re: How to make a "Blizzard Survival Kit" for Drivers [message #796008 ] |
Tue, 26 February 2008 18:57 |
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necromancer <55_sux [at] worldofnecromancer_no_spam_no_way.org> wrote in
news:h2i8s35p8eueh2rarjnb31lna1cet0n851 [at] 4ax.com:
> On Tue, 26 Feb 2008 01:14:43 -0600, mikecollier [at] gmail2.com wrote:
>
>>Making a "Blizzard Survival Kit" !!!
>>
>>You're driving down the road in a winter blizzard. The thermometer
>>reads minus 25, the winds are blowing 50mph and you cant see ten feet
>>ahead of you. Suddenly your car slides off the road into a ditch and
>
> Anyone with 1/2 a brain would not be out in such conditions.
OTOH,once when driving to Buffalo from Indianapolis just before Xmas,a
Lake-effect storm blew up while I was on I-90.I passed the NY tollbooth,and
by the time I got home,the NY Thruway had been closed and >600 people put
up at a local highschool.I was driving by the reflectors the plows use to
stay on the road,and only seeing bridges when I was about 50 ft from them.
I was driving a 73 Honda Civic CVCC,12" tires! a great car!
Another time,I was leaving a bar outside of Lockport,and the snow was
falling heavily,and on the way home,my radiator hose blew and lost all my
coolant(63 dodge Polara),and the car quit in the middle of Millersport Hwy.
(I thought it was off the road,but the next day,found that it was in the
MIDDLE of the road,and plows had gone around it,burying it.)
Luckily,a car following stopped and gave us a ride all the way home,quite a
long trip for them.
Point is,sometimes,you don't get the choice of staying indoors and avoiding
the snowstorm..
>
>>a deep snow bank. The snow is packed under the car so the wheels do
>>nothing but spin. You don't have a snow shovel to dig the car out, or
>>a safety flare to alert the authorities. Your cellphone battery is
>>dead, and you're freezing cold.
>
> I carry a car charger for my cellphone. Just plug it into the cig
> lighter.
a very good idea;even in Florida,after a hurricane,you may not be able to
charge it from the power lines.
>
>>You know you will soon die from
>>exposure and freaze to deeth. What are you going to do as you kneel
>
> You're going to die twice?
>>on the front seat of your car praying to the plastic Jesus hanging on
>>your rear-view mirror, while cussing out God because of the tragedy
>>you are experiencing.
>
> Its not God who bagged you its Darwin.
>
>>But, you know you're prepared for an emergency such as this, because
>>you were smart enough to create a "Blizzard Survival Kit" long before
>>this disaster occurred, and every good driver knows that sooner or
>>later this disaster WILL happen.
>
> They have blizzards in FL? Whoda thunk it???
you could think of it as a "breakdown survival kit".
Getting stuck out in the middle of nowhere,no cell coverage.
Even in Florida,it gets cold enough that a blanket will keep you from
getting hypothermia.
>
>>You open the glove compartment and find a small carboard box. Inside
>>the box is an ice pick, book of matches, some cotton, a nail, some
>>bubblegum, and a candle.
>
><< snip advice >>
>
>>This road safety tip is provided as a courtesy by Mike's Auto Salvage
>>of Sarasota, Florida.
>
> Sounds like you already have it coverd....
>
> F ools
> E gomaniacs &
> M orons
> A ssociation
>
--
Jim Yanik
jyanik
at
kua.net
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| Re: How to make a "Blizzard Survival Kit" for Drivers [message #796076 ] |
Wed, 27 February 2008 04:24 |
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Thanks. I got a really good laugh from that.
--
Christopher A. Young
Learn more about Jesus (who is not plastic, honest!)
www.lds.org
..
"Smitty Two" <prestwhich [at] earthlink.net> wrote in message
news:prestwhich-714A3E.23264125022008 [at] news.phx.highwinds-media.com...
Thanks Mike. Why not just shove the plastic Jesus up your ass and light
it on fire, too? Should help warm you from the inside.
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| Re: How to make a "Blizzard Survival Kit" for Drivers [message #796143 ] |
Wed, 27 February 2008 19:46 |
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[A joke mutates into a discussion of what to carry Just In Case]
> Even in Florida,it gets cold enough that a blanket will keep you
> from getting hypothermia.
I'll second that. The other things about a blanket is *everybody's*
got room for one somewhere in the car, either folded up or laid out
flat. At least get one of those "space blankets." Those are,
additionally, pretty visible. They make shade in the summer too.
Additionally, those big plastic garbage bags have many uses and of
course you don't leave home without duct tape anyway.
Nothing starts a campfire quite like a road flare, and they help flag
down attention too, in addition to their orthodox
use of keeping other drivers from sticking their hood ornament up the
trailer hitch of a disabled vehicle.
Next time you decide (or your significant other decides for you) that
some old trenchcoat or parka or jacket is too disreputable to be seen
in anymore, add it to your trunk kit. A couple of cheap ol' yeller
or orange rain ponchos are great to have too. And so is a ski mask or
at least a cap since you lose a lot of heat through your head. Maybe
some inexpensive rubber overshoes big enough to go on easily. Work
gloves, of course. And a spare pair of synthetic or wool socks.
A few of those athletic energy bars and some bottles of yuppie water
can be a big help, and not just in winter.
This of course isn't the full kit for people expecting Real Winter,
just a slight superset of what anybody can and should have with them
-- stuff that can practically disappear in either the trunk or around
the spare tire or in the little hidey holes of most passenger cars,
and has about the weight penalty of lunch. Even if you throw in an
extra flashlight, a small fire extinguisher, at least a token toolkit,
and jumper cables and a tow strap ( or samaritanizing others or for
helping passers-by help you, if they have the will and the skills but
not the gear), it's a pretty modest package considering the potential
benefits.
--Joe
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